This is screwed up.

[Jokersvirus]

So...

I heard from a friend, who I was under the impression hated me, she called me sunday or monday and explained to me she was in a serious car wreck caused by her boyfriend. It was serious enough, according to her, she died 3 times on the table in OR, she is so screwed up it will take upwards of 12 weeks of rehab before she can even start walking.

What my issue is, is this. She wants to be with her boyfriend again. The boyfriend nearly killed her yet she says it was her fault she had this happened. Yet she was sleeping till her boyfriend was speeding down the highway, according to her first story.


Can someone explain to me how in the holy mother of F this makes sense. Someone causes serious bodily harm yet you blame yourself and still want to be with him and your going to be suing him for over 100k in medical bills.

I dont understand this world anymore. Damn teenagers and their "love."

[BocReaper]

It sounds like she may have some low self esteem issues. Of course the resulting injuries from the car wreck could do the same thing. Otherwise, I don't know with people these days. They want their something "special"?

[Jokersvirus]

no shes been like this forever. Its just If i try and kill you fail but cause seriously body injury would anyone with logic want to be with me again? answer would be no

[BocReaper]

I don't know, that's love. I guess you'd have to talk to her a bit to find out why then.

[Jokersvirus]

Ehh if i get into a congersation with her about it i would end up drinking myself to sleep.

Im just trying to get a reason as to why she would want that d bag

[BobTD]

Because western media has left her vulnerable and unable to cope with a rush of chemicals that allow us to experience the feeling of "being in love".

We are conditioned to expect love to be a magic and perfect feeling that is based on somehow finding that one special person, when in reality expecting someone else to be responsible for you being happy is the most unhealthy relationship you can have.

Then the chemicals wear off and we start to fall out of love, only extreme emotional highs and lows can now trigger a shadow of how you first felt about that person and many steep as low as being a drama queen to feel the rush of chemicals they now think is love.

Its hard to imagine such a relationship ever lasting. Two people in such a situation would wear on each other and constantly be arguing and blaming each other for why they are unhappy. Eventually most people have to wake up and look at their relationships and decide to mature.

Well, most of the time.

[Dess]

How did he "cause" the accident. Was he drinking and driving or what?? Just because he was the driver doesn't mean he meant to hurt her on purpose.

[Jokersvirus]

I guess it would help if i remembered to state he was over the legal limit.

and i was informed last night he wont be spending any jail time and just is in drug rehab and loses his lisence for 180 days.

[Dess]

She got in the car knowing he was intoxicated too.... He shouldn't have been drinking and driving, but she knowingly got in the car. I'm not defending him in anyway... just wanted to point that out. I've been in a simliar situation.

[Jokersvirus]

I wont defend either of them. According to her she was sleeping at the time when the bf got in the vehicle, and seconds before impact she woke up or something.

I dont agree with her choice of life, I dont agree with what she has done within the past 3 years..

But it is her life, and she has to learn I suppose

[Dess]

Another detail I didn't mention..

Some women (myself included) tend to stick with guys the feel they have to take care of... the ones they feel need them most...but more often than not, they end up being the ones that hurt them most... and the more they hurt them.. the longer they stay. I dunno why...

I've done it and can't explain why I didn't leave... other than feeling like he needed me more than I needed my own safety.

[Jokersvirus]

Psychology isnt my field but my best guest.. she wants to find someone but yet she wants a bad boy.

[BocReaper]

Damage, I generally call it being an idiot (but it's just being too kind). The thing is people want to know they make a difference to someone in life. They see this guy that they've only seen in the movies. Tough, strong, "misunderstood" and think they can change him. Truth is, it doesn't really happen.

[Jokersvirus]

You hit the nail on the head Boc. They want the badboy they think they can change. I guess they dont get this isnt the movies.

[Dess]

I'm sort of offended. I know you guys have heard the "You just wouldn't understand" speech, but there is a lot of truth behind it. I never thought I could change him. I never wanted to. You two ( given that you both talk to me a TON in private ) should know I never judge or try to change people. I accept them.

I also have a strong urge to help others, and he was in desperate need of help. He needed someone to talk to, confide in, and trust. I was that person to him. Unfortunately for me... I was also the closest person to him when he got angry. It took a long time for it to get physical and it didn't just happen over night. I ended it when it landed me in a hospital room.

I know now that it was a mistake to stay.... but it seemed like the best thing for him at the time.. I kept him from raging out a lot... he rarely snapped... but when he did it was at me and not anyone else... so I thought I was helping. Like I said.. I know now it was wrong... but I always have been and probably always will be more worried about others than myself.

[Jokersvirus]

That was not directed at you damage. experiences in high school and college I can relate to that stuff and it does make sense, even thought it is very illogical.

I can relate because i have alot of friends who are girls and atleast 3 times a week i hear about that crap.

I dont condone domestic violence. Ive beaten the hell out of men who hit my lady friends before and by god I will do it again, again and again.

[BobTD]

Another detail I didn't mention..

Some women (myself included) tend to stick with guys the feel they have to take care of... the ones they feel need them most...but more often than not, they end up being the ones that hurt them most... and the more they hurt them.. the longer they stay. I dunno why...

I've done it and can't explain why I didn't leave... other than feeling like he needed me more than I needed my own safety.

Picking someone who you felt needed you more sounds like you just wanted emotional security and a mild fear of being alone. If they need you then you dont have to worry about not being needed. Doesnt sound crazy to me.

though I have a pretty warped view of the world.

[Iceskater101]

well I do understand how that is offensive because your basically calling all girls who are in domestic violence relationships stupid and thats totally not true
the guy is manipulative and he says oh I am sorry I am sorry and the girl is like okay fine and maybe she is also afraid to leave him have you ever thought of that? If this guy nearly killed her, she feels she has to be with him to stay alive
there have been cases where girls leave there abusive boyfriends and they get raped or they get killed
were not stupid.

[LemonRising]

truth is, guys will never understand, because they are't girls lol.


its frustrating for all the parties involved, but **** happens. but thats life eh