Some help..

[RandellX]

I know talking on a gamer forum about this is not really.. what most people would do, but.. At least you guys will be honest to me.. I'm tired of my friends and family saying the same crap. Let me give you a little back story first..
Ahead of time I wanna apologize for breaking any rules, When I write stuff like this I don't think as I type.. So if there is anything I need to take off let me know.

I have been well known through out my life in helping people, but also being cruel and mean.. A little of both worlds.. you know.. the jackass that everyone loves and looks to. Four years ago I meet this girl.. Her name was Judith.. Needless to say I feel head over heels in love with her, I still am.. Here comes the big stuff, She said she loves me too, I was her first real boy friend, her first kiss, her first.. y'know sexual experience. We were happy.. about two years ago I found out that two things happened, My 'Best friend" at the time betrayed me, and she cheated on me. With him. But She was young and naive so I gave her a second chance, not really forgiving her but hoping I would, Him, No. (This was a day she was at my house, I dragged her outside, spending a good two hours screaming at her in the front yard before making my father drive her home, this was before I had my own car.) Well.. We were happy for a while and one day she asks "I wanna hang out with "Insert Ex-friends name here" today, nothing will happen baby, I swear, I will text you the entire time I'm there, I promise baby. I love you." Well she texted me the entire time.. except about the middle of the day it stops.. for ten minutes.. I finally call her and ask her whats up, She's out of breath and says he took her phone. Being a rational smart man, My mind Says "Dude, She's lying." But.. I decide to put faith in her and trust her.. A few months later around Christmas time, I'm out shopping trying to find the perfect Christmas present to show this girl how much I love her.. Standing in the store I get a call, it's her, I answer "Hey bab- *Crying on the other end "I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry..* Sweetheart, What's wrong.. *Loud sobbing, phone rustling, another girl picks up "Fine, I'll tell him." "No!" I go "Tell me what..? " My mind not connecting the dots. "I'm sorry It happened again.." "What happe- wait.. you mean.." *More sobbing..* I'm not one known to cry, but I broke down in that mall.. I've never felt so much like a child in my life, well... After this I ignored her for a while.. She begged.. and begged.. and begged.. finally I broke down and took her back on the promise that she'd prove that she loves me and wont cheat again. Well.. A few months path of just joy.. I think she's finally change, Going back for a moment I strongly believed that people don't change, but I digress, Then one night she calls me.. And in a long convoluted argument tells me we need to break up for a while.. So I say fine.. anger, hang up phone, sleep, rinse, wash, repeat for the next few days. a few weeks later, we start getting better along again and we talk, she tells me that we'll get back together by the end of the summer, she promises and everything will be better then ever, in between this time she says we should date other people and I say fine, ( AFTER I find out she's dating someone else and I find out he's leaving at the end of the summer, still wanting to believe that she's a decent human being, I trust her.) The end of the summer comes and she keeps her promise and we get back together, We spend a few days together, Kissing, hugging, doing those things couples do. Then one day I come over and we sit in the park and I'm playing with her phone and I notice a message from this other guy, and I ask her to tell him to stop calling her baby, She refuses and I ask why she doesn't answer and I finally get feed up and say "Him or me.." She sits quietly for a little while.. I wait.. and she looks at me and says "Him." Angry, I throw my self up and trying my hardest not to lose my temper. I try my best to ignore her, but it's been four years now, How do i ignore someone who I told I loved, spent countless evenings speaking to for hours and never gone a day with out telling good morning and good night? I ask my self. Well.. A lot of stuff has happened.. She still calls me and tells me she loves me.. Which hurts me.. I do love her.. but how can she say this when she is with another man... telling him the same thing.. (Going back again, A lot of stuff has happened between her and her father which I can't legally discuss on here, needless to say I believe he's the reason for her corruption. But.. it' hurts so much.. and I can't stop.. I can't take the heart to tell her to stop talking to her.. When I hear her and this mans name in the same sentence my heart clinches.. when I see her face I just feel pain.. But I'm the only person she has to protect and help her.. I'm so lost... I am tired of pain.. and It's unfair to the girl I am with.. I really care about my current girlfriend.. but.. I just can't let go of Judith like I should.. It's so hard and I don't know what to do.. I have enough stress, my family not exactly having the best house, or having a sick mother, or being as poor as we are.. every thing feels as if it's falling on to my shoulder and I'm getting crushed by the weight, y'know?

I hate being jealous.
I'm tired of it.
Please.

[mutilations]

I know exactly how you feel and experienced what you went through. You'll have to look forward eventually and not look back. You have to break that chain that's keeping extra UNNECESSARY stress in you're life bro. In my opinion, she's feeding off of the pain and torment she's putting you through. So, only thing I can say is move on and find greener pastures. I know it's not all that original but it's the truth. I've been through a lot myself bro. ;)

[Ilyich Valken]

Well, I can tell you from recent experience (not quite the same situation, but close enough) that it's not worth it. I know I personally, am holding out hope against every logical nerve in my body telling me to let go. I've started to, and I've started feeling a bit better, but.. it'll take time. Sounds like you're going through the same thing internally.

As much as we'd all like to believe people can change, it's not likely to happen unless they put their entire being into doing so, and even that's not easy.

Just be glad you've got someone now that you care about and vice versa; And that your family has a house, and that your mother, ill health or not, is still around. It'll take some time to get over her (especially after 4 years) but really, it's the right thing to do. As Mutilations said, the only thing you really can do is look to the future and leave the past as it is.

[RandellX]

My problem is that I don't know how to tell her, with out hurting her.. Cause I do love her.. and she is going through a lot.. and I don't just wanna ignore her.. but it hurts so much..

[mutilations]

So will you continue to let her hurt you just so you don't hurt her? I don't see your logic. Look, I'm not trying to belittle you or belittle her but you're going to have to a little bit of hurting to move on with your life. You can't even be her friend without hurting inside or being a bit jealous so why put yourself through it? It might take even more time for you truly and 100% get over her but try taking some baby steps.. think about all your angles. Just look ahead and see where your life is heading now if you don't get over her and you let her mess with your heart more. I hope I'm helping.

[Muffincat]

Don't talk to her anymore. Tell her that you don't want to. I know it's hard, and I know it's painful - but, trust me, you WILL get over her. There will be others, and probably more after the girl you're currently with. Heartache is awful, and I am so sorry you have to go through this... but you can't be around this girl anymore.

She is toxic. She willingly and knowingly hurt you many times, and clearly does not have your best interests at heart. For your sake, please make a clean break with her. It hurts a lot, but it's much better than having awkward ties and not being able to let go of your feelings for her. You will get over her in time, but it will be much harder if she is still in your life.

It's just my opinion, so take it with a grain of salt... but... people like this, man... They are manipulative and need serious help. You can't give that help to her. She needs therapy, lots of it, and a lot more than that, too. She's not your problem to deal with anymore, and you're right - it's not fair to the girl you are currently with.

She will only continue to hurt you. It will not get better. You can keep yourself from being hurt anymore by her - do it.

[Synge]

Don't talk to her anymore. Tell her that you don't want to. I know it's hard, and I know it's painful - but, trust me, you WILL get over her. There will be others, and probably more after the girl you're currently with. Heartache is awful, and I am so sorry you have to go through this... but you can't be around this girl anymore.

She is toxic. She willingly and knowingly hurt you many times, and clearly does not have your best interests at heart. For your sake, please make a clean break with her. It hurts a lot, but it's much better than having awkward ties and not being able to let go of your feelings for her. You will get over her in time, but it will be much harder if she is still in your life.

It's just my opinion, so take it with a grain of salt... but... people like this, man... They are manipulative and need serious help. You can't give that help to her. She needs therapy, lots of it, and a lot more than that, too. She's not your problem to deal with anymore, and you're right - it's not fair to the girl you are currently with.

She will only continue to hurt you. It will not get better. You can keep yourself from being hurt anymore by her - do it.
Couldn't have said it better.

Don't kid yourself bro, she tells you she loves you but has no problem kicking you around, what love is that? She seems like a hateful person, certainly not deserving of the genuine love you have to offer, sever all ties with her and you'll be so much better off.

[Mizel]

Don't talk to her anymore. Tell her that you don't want to. I know it's hard, and I know it's painful - but, trust me, you WILL get over her. There will be others, and probably more after the girl you're currently with. Heartache is awful, and I am so sorry you have to go through this... but you can't be around this girl anymore.

She is toxic. She willingly and knowingly hurt you many times, and clearly does not have your best interests at heart. For your sake, please make a clean break with her. It hurts a lot, but it's much better than having awkward ties and not being able to let go of your feelings for her. You will get over her in time, but it will be much harder if she is still in your life.

It's just my opinion, so take it with a grain of salt... but... people like this, man... They are manipulative and need serious help. You can't give that help to her. She needs therapy, lots of it, and a lot more than that, too. She's not your problem to deal with anymore, and you're right - it's not fair to the girl you are currently with.

She will only continue to hurt you. It will not get better. You can keep yourself from being hurt anymore by her - do it.

Everything Muffin says is totally true, couldnt have said it better. Plain and simple, the best thing for you to do in this situation is break all ties and contact. From what you've said it sounds like she's in a cycle of using you, hurting you and betraying you- the sad part is I have no doubt that she knows exactly what she's doing. And she will keep doing it as long as you let her. From personal experience the only way to stop this cycle is stopping contact in every way shape and form. It's going to impossible to ever to move on if this doesnt happen... and it will suck, and it will hurt for awhile but it will no doubt get better with time. You're going to have to break away from her to find someone that deserves you and will treat you the way you should/want to be treated. Good luck, I hope it all works out for you.

[paecmaker]

Everything that I think of has already been told but like the others said, try to forget her, if you want to take away her number from your phone, and so on. If you are trying to get past her I think its easier if you got lesser things that remind you of her. Get your friends and they will help you through this if they are real friends.

If you have to say that you are leaving her, keep it short and simple, she betraid you several times so you shouldnt worry to much about hurting her feelings, but dont overdo it. You will probably feel awfull and being alone is making it worse, have people to talk to, even talking here is probably better than just be alone all the time.

[Exentenzed]

I actually just read all that and i was just sitting here feeling sorry for you while thinking "What A *****!" Im sorry if you dont like me calling her that but dude, you gave her like 3-4 chances? And she then ruin them all and THEN still has the nerve to call and say she loves you? Im sorry dude, this is gonna be harsh, be she dosen't love you at all! depending on how messed up she is she either thinks she's doing you a favor by "easing you out of it", which she isnt by the way or she's trying to remain friends with you by feeding you lies to get your hopes up.

It's just like what muffin said. She's toxic, You have to stop NOW! Or else you will just become bitter and depraved.

And think about this very hard. Even if there was a chance, even the slightest, that you could get back togheter. Could you trust her? I mean realy? Without even the slightest thought of that she might be out there with some other guy? I think you could not...

And without trust. That relationship will either end, or be a horrible one.

[LemonRising]

I think we've all agreed that Muffin is correct and to follow her advice lol
Even if she may have 'reasons', she's obviously not making any effort to fix anything. Her calling you and telling you she loves you still is hurtful, she's still leading you on.
Don't talk to her anymore. Sometimes we have to hurt people to keep ourselves sane.

Kind of going through the same thing atm. My ex messages me on facebook and texts me still even after I told him to leave me alone. NEVER REPLY. It's an opening, no matter what or how little you say.

Good luck man

[Ilyich Valken]

Sometimes we have to hurt people to keep ourselves sane.


Sane... What is this... sane you speak of?

[Jaykub]

I've had this happen to many times in my short lifetime. The best advice I can give you is to let her go, I know its painful I know it hurts but its what you have to do to move on. Just find someone new.