What makes a relationship?

[EpsilonX]

So, I was thinking today and the past few days since me and my ex broke up...what exactly is it that makes a relationship? Right now, i'm scared to be in relationships in the future because 1. i feel like i'll always be forcing myself into it, but that has nothing to do with the topic, and 2. i just really don't know what it means to be in a relationship with a person. So what are your thoughts?

[ROFLBRYCE]

Trust, support, understanding, and the will to commit to it.

Been with Charlie now for 2 and a half years today actually. We've had our troubles of course and had a lot of great times, but we get through it by trusting in one another, giving each other support when we need it, spending time with each other but allowing the other to have their own space, and working things out when they happen so they won't happen again. It's always an effort and worth it in the end. I dunno, that's what makes a relationship to me and keeps it running smooth.

Also, talk. Lots. About anything. Communication is key with everything. Some bumps in the road we hit were from not talking. I'm not sure if I answered your question how you wanted, and if not then lemme know what you mean. Just this all is what makes up a relationship and what you need to keep it running imo. If you can't commit to the relationship, talk with the other person, trust them, or give them space or give them too much, chances are they're not the one.

Words of insight from a 17 year old who thinks he's on top of the world. How'd I do

[EpsilonX]

Well, yes that is all true and good advice...but I'm more looking for what it means to actually be in a relationship with somebody, not how to make a relationship work. I've always just kind of assumed that I knew what having a girlfriend meant, but I just really looked at the idea of it and I'm not sure exactly what it does mean.

[Jaykub]

I've been with tons of girls over the past 7 years but I knew I found something special in my current Girlfriend as soon as we met. I know its bad advice but the best advice I can tell you is you will know who the right person is when you meet her.

[Mizel]

This is a really hard question. I mean, telling you how to make a relationship work is one thing…. but what it means to be in a relationship is tougher is different….

I would have to say being in a relationship, in layman’s terms, means that you found someone that you want to be exclusive with, and that they feel the same way. Forcing yourself into a relationship just to be in one, doesn’t really make it a relationship at all and really doesn’t benefit anybody. First things first…. making sure there is communication so that you *know* you’re in a relationship. It can get pretty awkward if you think you’re in a relationship and the other person doesn’t. :P

I was with my high school bf for almost 11 years. I knew pretty much from the start it wasn’t going to work, but stayed in it hoping things would change. Yea, that NEVER works. Thinking back on it now, it was labeled a ‘relationship’, but since we both weren’t in it with the same feelings- when it comes down to it, it wasn’t. After that I was in a few of the same situations, where the other person was happy with me, but I knew I wasn’t happy with them.

Now that Im engaged, I feel like I finally know what a relationship is. Beyond the whole obvious, of being exclusive (unless youre a polygamist lol)…. it means being with someone you care about, who cares about you in the same way. It means wanting to talk to that person all the time, be with them all the time, and not having any interest in anyone else (I mean other potential mates, not like friends and stuff haha). It means not ever wanting the other person to be hurt or sad or upset and wanting to make them happy when they are. It means that just seeing other person makes you happy and gives you butterflies.

Now, I have no idea how old you are. Im in a relationship, but also in love- two very different things. You def don’t need to be in love to be in a relationship. If you’re young and just looking to date, then Id say bottom line meaning of being in a relationship simply just means youre exclusive and enjoy spending time together. Did that answer your question, or was that still way off of what you were looking for? :P

[CraeSC111]

I'd say that you would know when you find that right person. Sorry that's all I got. I don't really feel that my current relationship will go anywhere and although it would be interesting to see how it goes I know its not for me.

[ROFLBRYCE]

Sorry for the misinterpretation. I was tired. To me the relationship is having someone there with you to rely on and help out, that you enjoy spending time with and get along with. To have someone to share your troubles, fears, joys and any other of your emotions with freely, knowing they're the same way with you.

Kinda like a best friend, but closer emotionally and intimately.


















Also, sexytimes.

[EpsilonX]

I hate hearing stuff like "I was with my high school bf for almost 11 years. I knew pretty much from the start it wasn’t going to work, but stayed in it hoping things would change. Yea, that NEVER works." because I always have doubts when it comes to relationships and there's somebody I'm really really interested in right now but as always I have my doubts...and I feel lately like if there's any doubt than there's really no point in bothering. And no, I didn't make this topic just for people to take pity on me and give me advice or anything, I figured it would make for a good conversation piece for a topic.

By the way, I'm 21. I'm kinda just looking to date but I want to date somebody that it'd work well with and i'd be completely happy with. I'm not looking for the person i'm gonna marry and spend the rest of my life with right now though.

[Mizel]

Sorry for the misinterpretation. I was tired. To me the relationship is having someone there with you to rely on and help out, that you enjoy spending time with and get along with. To have someone to share your troubles, fears, joys and any other of your emotions with freely, knowing they're the same way with you.

Kinda like a best friend, but closer emotionally and intimately.


















Also, sexytimes.

Well said! :)


I hate hearing stuff like "I was with my high school bf for almost 11 years. I knew pretty much from the start it wasn’t going to work, but stayed in it hoping things would change. Yea, that NEVER works." because I always have doubts when it comes to relationships and there's somebody I'm really really interested in right now but as always I have my doubts...and I feel lately like if there's any doubt than there's really no point in bothering. And no, I didn't make this topic just for people to take pity on me and give me advice or anything, I figured it would make for a good conversation piece for a topic.

By the way, I'm 21. I'm kinda just looking to date but I want to date somebody that it'd work well with and i'd be completely happy with. I'm not looking for the person i'm gonna marry and spend the rest of my life with right now though.

Theres a big difference between having doubts and knowing though. You will always have doubts, no matter what- that’s just human nature. But *knowing* that you’re with someone that you don’t want to be with is far different. If both people are aware that the relationship you are in is just short term fun, then that’s ok. But in my case, my hs bf did not know I was not happy and he expected to spend the rest of his life with me. I should have done the right thing and ended things way sooner knowing that’s not what I wanted because in the end that’s what would have been better for both of us.

At 21, if you’re just dating…. Then just make sure that’s clear. It really sucks being the one in the relationship that thinks things are serious when the other person doesn’t.

[EpsilonX]

At 21, if you’re just dating…. Then just make sure that’s clear. It really sucks being the one in the relationship that thinks things are serious when the other person doesn’t.

well...more like I want a serious relationship but i'm not looking for somebody I'm going to spend the rest of my life with...if that makes sense? If I find her though, that's cool.

[Mizel]

well...more like I want a serious relationship but i'm not looking for somebody I'm going to spend the rest of my life with...if that makes sense? If I find her though, that's cool.

Def makes sense. I think that’s what most people have in mind at your age. Hell, even at my age lol :P Besides, I think that’s the best way to go about it anyways. Goes back to that saying, you always seem to find what you want when you’re not looking for it. Just go with the flow and have fun and when that person comes along, you’ll know.

[ROFLBRYCE]

well...more like I want a serious relationship but i'm not looking for somebody I'm going to spend the rest of my life with...if that makes sense? If I find her though, that's cool.

Fair enough man, and hopefully you'll find the girl who wants the same thing.


I like having someone around to depend on, and who depends on me. It's just nice knowing someone's always gonna be there. That's the biggest thing in a relationship for me

[EpsilonX]

I just dated a girl who's 18 and we got along but we had really bad communication with each other, and we both wanted different things and we both forced ourselves into it. I knew from the beginning it wasn't going to work out...it lasted 3 weeks before I officially decided to break up with her but it took her another week to actually get her to talk to me face to face in order to break up with her... Now i'm kind of afraid i'm always going to force myself into relationships. :\

[Mizel]

Yea, forcing yourself into it will never work. But like you said, you knew that from the beginning and the experience you just had should help you from ever making that mistake again.

[ROFLBRYCE]

Yea, forcing yourself into it will never work. But like you said, you knew that from the beginning and the experience you just had should help you from ever making that mistake again.

Yea this. None of the "well shes hot" stuff, just wait for it. Watched a lot of people around me get hurt because they look for someone cool and want somebody. Just chill out, do your thing, someone comes into your life by chance? Sweet go for it. I dunno there's a lot of people I know who ignore it because "They're cool" or they look good, and they just get hurt after 2-12 months.

[Synge]

This is a really hard question. I mean, telling you how to make a relationship work is one thing…. but what it means to be in a relationship is tougher is different….

I would have to say being in a relationship, in layman’s terms, means that you found someone that you want to be exclusive with, and that they feel the same way. Forcing yourself into a relationship just to be in one, doesn’t really make it a relationship at all and really doesn’t benefit anybody. First things first…. making sure there is communication so that you *know* you’re in a relationship. It can get pretty awkward if you think you’re in a relationship and the other person doesn’t. :P

I was with my high school bf for almost 11 years. I knew pretty much from the start it wasn’t going to work, but stayed in it hoping things would change. Yea, that NEVER works. Thinking back on it now, it was labeled a ‘relationship’, but since we both weren’t in it with the same feelings- when it comes down to it, it wasn’t. After that I was in a few of the same situations, where the other person was happy with me, but I knew I wasn’t happy with them.

Now that Im engaged, I feel like I finally know what a relationship is. Beyond the whole obvious, of being exclusive (unless youre a polygamist lol)…. it means being with someone you care about, who cares about you in the same way. It means wanting to talk to that person all the time, be with them all the time, and not having any interest in anyone else (I mean other potential mates, not like friends and stuff haha). It means not ever wanting the other person to be hurt or sad or upset and wanting to make them happy when they are. It means that just seeing other person makes you happy and gives you butterflies.

Now, I have no idea how old you are. Im in a relationship, but also in love- two very different things. You def don’t need to be in love to be in a relationship. If you’re young and just looking to date, then Id say bottom line meaning of being in a relationship simply just means youre exclusive and enjoy spending time together. Did that answer your question, or was that still way off of what you were looking for? :P
Excellent post. To add one thing:

With my ex-girlfriend, which ended nearly 4 months ago (I still miss her so ****ing much) there was always this ultimate feeling of comfort, like I could say, do, open up about anything, without second thought, as if I was thinking to myself, with no repercussions or worry.

When you've reach that level of comfort and understanding of one another, on top of what Mizel said, you're undoubtedly making a relationship.


Edit: You might think to yourself, "well, if they were so comfortable together why'd it end?"

Short answer: Stupidity, on my part.

Slightly longer answer: I don't get angry often but when I do it can be about stupid things and it's inflated. She applied for a job a decent distance away (she's 2 years old than me) without telling me, for whatever reason. When she got it, that didn't leave us with much time and took me completely by surprise. I got really mad and ended it. She wanted to stay together and do the distance thing, but my anger coupled with the fact that a long distance relationship ended miserably for me in the past led me to make a stupid decision.

I see now that I was being selfish, wanting to hold her back from starting a career and moving on in life. If she had just told me she was job hunting (including job out of town) I'd have been less caught up in the moment and maybe we'd still be together.

[thedeparted]

Don't force yourself into anything, no sense in having a relationship for the sake of having a relationship. Play the field, browse the menu, look around a little bit. Life is a journey man no need to add pressure and unwanted things.

[Th3-devils-princess]

there is no one single thing that makes a relatioship work it is a bunch of different things like
.communication
.trust
.support
.LOVE

i think that when people say you know whn you have found the right person is so very true i have been with my husband for nearly two years and he is the most kind and caring person that i have ever met and i know that there is nothing that i would't trust him with.....ibut i dont think that you truely know if a relationship is going to be okay as you never know what is around the conner ther maybe things that will make you stronger as indaviduals and there maybe things that will challenge you as a coupple but thats the ting you never know when they are going to pop up... you dont know if they are things that will make or break you....you have to take each day as it comes... but i do truely believe that when you find the person that you are ment to spend the rest of your life with there will be nothing that could break the love, trust and commitment that you have with that one person....

this is just my belif though and i do know that people have there own but just think that there is someone out there for everyone :)

[ROFLBRYCE]

Slightly longer answer: I don't get angry often but when I do it can be about stupid things and it's inflated. She applied for a job a decent distance away (she's 2 years old than me) without telling me, for whatever reason. When she got it, that didn't leave us with much time and took me completely by surprise. I got really mad and ended it. She wanted to stay together and do the distance thing, but my anger coupled with the fact that a long distance relationship ended miserably for me in the past led me to make a stupid decision.

I see now that I was being selfish, wanting to hold her back from starting a career and moving on in life. If she had just told me she was job hunting (including job out of town) I'd have been less caught up in the moment and maybe we'd still be together.

My boat right now, except it was me to move and it was to my mom's after she's been outta my life for ~3 years (big ones too, most of my highschool.) And it was short notice, because I'm pretty stupid too and do things short notice without thinking them through.

Gotta say from the other side of this, it's just as tough. And we're still together and managing though. Just reaally tough. :/

[thedeparted]

Excellent post. To add one thing:

With my ex-girlfriend, which ended nearly 4 months ago (I still miss her so ****ing much) there was always this ultimate feeling of comfort, like I could say, do, open up about anything, without second thought, as if I was thinking to myself, with no repercussions or worry.

When you've reach that level of comfort and understanding of one another, on top of what Mizel said, you're undoubtedly making a relationship.


Edit: You might think to yourself, "well, if they were so comfortable together why'd it end?"

Short answer: Stupidity, on my part.

Slightly longer answer: I don't get angry often but when I do it can be about stupid things and it's inflated. She applied for a job a decent distance away (she's 2 years old than me) without telling me, for whatever reason. When she got it, that didn't leave us with much time and took me completely by surprise. I got really mad and ended it. She wanted to stay together and do the distance thing, but my anger coupled with the fact that a long distance relationship ended miserably for me in the past led me to make a stupid decision.

I see now that I was being selfish, wanting to hold her back from starting a career and moving on in life. If she had just told me she was job hunting (including job out of town) I'd have been less caught up in the moment and maybe we'd still be together.

Well she was silly for thinking a long distance relationship could. It really can't. How much distance are we talking?

[Synge]

My boat right now, except it was me to move and it was to my mom's after she's been outta my life for ~3 years (big ones too, most of my highschool.) And it was short notice, because I'm pretty stupid too and do things short notice without thinking them through.

Gotta say from the other side of this, it's just as tough. And we're still together and managing though. Just reaally tough. :/
That's rough, man. How far away did you move; ya visit often or is it too long of a drive? Whichever it is, hope it works out for you.


Well she was silly for thinking a long distance relationship could. It really can't. How much distance are we talking?
She's 3 hours away, so a 6 hour round trip. Not a huge distance but still significant. I probably could have managed a trip every other weekend.

Long distance relationships don't usually last, you're right, but I've seen some couples pull it off successfully and happily.

[thedeparted]

Oh 3 hours, That's how long my gf was before I moved in. 3 hours is a pretty huge distance and being able to see each maybe on a weekend or less is pretty much too much stress on any relationship regardless of how good it is.

[Mizel]

Oh 3 hours, That's how long my gf was before I moved in. 3 hours is a pretty huge distance and being able to see each maybe on a weekend or less is pretty much too much stress on any relationship regardless of how good it is.

Was your relationship always long distance? I mean, before you moved in with her?

I agree, long distance almost never works out. It *can*, it’s just not very likely. I suppose it’s a lot easier then it used to be. With things like Skype and whatnot… but when it comes down to it, like you said only seeing each other once a weekend or less… less time spent together and communicating, inevitably leads to growing apart and moving on. A lot of factors are definitely involved though, like how long the distance thing will last, etc etc….

[thedeparted]

Yeah and with summer we could skype and text all the time and it was still really hard seeing her eve.ry. two weeks or so. if i didn't move in we wouldn't of lasted

[EpsilonX]

I have a question for you people who said you know when you find the right person and you know when it won't work out...what factors lead to you knowing it won't work out or etc?

[CraeSC111]

That's kind of a hard thing to answer eps. I find it a little hard to communicate the exact feeling. Its just kind of like you have that gut feeling that you arent getting what you need out of the relationship.

[Mizel]

Well, for me in the past the people I’ve dated where I knew it wouldn’t work out, I knew almost immediately and its almost always related to flaws I could never get past or personality traits that wouldn’t work with mine. Like, the hs bf that I dated for 11 years…. he was very wound-up/angry and had a very different sense of humor then me. Im a really laid back person. I don’t get mad at pretty much anything, I don’t like confrontation, and I have a very odd sense of humor haha Same with other people I dated… you can just tell when your personality wont mesh with someone else’s.

Im also a very quiet, shy, self-conscious person and it takes me getting to know people and building up some guts before I feel like I can really be myself. And there have been cases where Ive dated very outgoing, social people. Again, just doesn’t mesh correctly.

I also don’t believe in that “one perfect person” theory. Sorry, but the Disney story stuff is just bs. Its just a matter of which “right person” you come across first. That said, when I found “the one” I knew right away because from the start because I immediately felt comfortable with him. I was able to be myself and not worry about what he thought. We both enjoy the same things and he got my sense of humor, and vice versa. Overall, simple compatibility. Im not saying find someone with *NO* flaws, Im saying find someone’s whose flaws compliment yours or are ones that wont bother you forever. Im also not saying find someone exactly like you, because sometimes opposites attact. But if you know yourself, and know what you want and know what you don’t want…. you’ll know when that person comes along. The hard part isnt finding someone that you know is right… I think the hard part is finding someone you know is right that feels the same way about you.

[CraeSC111]

One problem I have actually thought about is since no one is perfect we are really just going with the best one that shows up. But what if someone better shows up?

[EpsilonX]

Because there's this girl i'm interested in. She's gorgeous, she has awesome taste in music, she's fun to be around, she's never smoked, a bunch of other cool traits, but i'm just not sure if it would work out between us. I don't see any real reason it wouldn't work out, but I'm just not sure. Is that a bad sign? Or something completely natural? We haven't really hung out much though so I don't know her that well but the more I find out about her the more i like about her

[CraeSC111]

You wont be sure unless you try. And don't weigh too heavily on looks.

[EpsilonX]

You wont be sure unless you try. And don't weigh too heavily on looks.

I don't. Everybody is telling me she's so hot and if I get with her i'm the man but that's not even a concern of mine. I love her personality

[CraeSC111]

Yeah and the looks are just a bonus ;)

[EpsilonX]

Yeah and the looks are just a bonus ;)

exactly. Even if she wasn't as good looking as she is she'd still be cool

[Mizel]

One problem I have actually thought about is since no one is perfect we are really just going with the best one that shows up. But what if someone better shows up?

I always worry about that too. I mean if your with that someone, you shouldn’t be looking…. But things happen. People come into your life you don’t expect.


Because there's this girl i'm interested in. She's gorgeous, she has awesome taste in music, she's fun to be around, she's never smoked, a bunch of other cool traits, but i'm just not sure if it would work out between us. I don't see any real reason it wouldn't work out, but I'm just not sure. Is that a bad sign? Or something completely natural? We haven't really hung out much though so I don't know her that well but the more I find out about her the more i like about her

I think your thinking too much about it before you even really know her. Like we said, go with the flow… hang out more. Become friends first. Just seeing someone and only knowing they are hot and like good music and not really knowing them that well, but already considering a relationship I think is a bad start.

[CraeSC111]

I think he's already friends with her. But yeah you definitely shouldn't look for romantic relationships with strangers.

[EpsilonX]

I think your thinking too much about it before you even really know her. Like we said, go with the flow… hang out more. Become friends first. Just seeing someone and only knowing they are hot and like good music and not really knowing them that well, but already considering a relationship I think is a bad start.

haha well i was simply interested in her, but then everybody else was like i think its pretty obvious she likes you are you gonna go after her, so the fact that i'm interested in somebody who's interested in me of course i was thinking about a relationship haha but i realize i'm thinking way too ahead. But that's what happens when you have a mind that races like me as well as being on winter break with absolutely nothing to do.

But I know she likes more than just good music. The more I find out about her the more I become interested lol

[Mizel]

See, you got something good going :P Take it slow and let what happens, happen. I know, easier said then done haha

I think another thing that sucks about relationships is how they change over time, or have the potential too. Like, some people are awesome when you are dating them…. but then as time changes and they get more comfortable, and their true personality comes out and its not what you were used to or expected. Or when you finally move in with someone who you were dating and it was great…. but then you find you cant stand living with them. So many potential things that make a difference.

God, relationships are complicated. This is why I wish society would get rid of these ridiculous dating stigmata’s. Id be totally happy having multiple significant others if it was socially acceptable :P

[EpsilonX]

I really hate putting a label on things. like my ex, we were getting along fine and it was good til i asked her out, then it just fell apart. but we acted like we were dating before i asked her out

[Mizel]

Yupp, that messes a lot of things up more often then you’d think. Which I never got? Like, if your basically dating without the title… I never got how adding the title changed things. Again, relationships are bizarre haha

[CraeSC111]

Friends with benefits. That's where its at. And is it me or do more people care if you're sleeping with a girlfriend/boyfriend than with a friend? Or are the people I hang around just weird?

[EpsilonX]

Yupp, that messes a lot of things up more often then you’d think. Which I never got? Like, if your basically dating without the title… I never got how adding the title changed things. Again, relationships are bizarre haha

It's because before you have the title, it all comes more naturally. Once you add the title, you become obliged to like them. That's how I see it

[Mizel]

That’s what I mean about society and relationship views. This whole fairy tale crap where you meet that one person and get married and live happily ever after. Sex is natural, and getting bored is natural. I don’t see any problems with friends with benefits or with dating multiple people. I mean that wouldn’t last forever, and all people involved would have to be ok with it….. but yea.

[EpsilonX]

I kind of feel the same way, but If I was with somebody I wouldn't want her to be with somebody else, yknow?

[CraeSC111]

I'd say there's definitely a different standard for guys and girls on that issue. Even I don't want the girls I'm sleeping with to be sleeping with other guys.

[Mizel]

I kind of feel the same way, but If I was with somebody I wouldn't want her to be with somebody else, yknow?

Yupp, me too lol


I'd say there's definitely a different standard for guys and girls on that issue. Even I don't want the girls I'm sleeping with to be sleeping with other guys.

Oh, there’s def a different standard. I just don’t see it that way, personally. Having open relationships or friends with benefits isn’t so bad…. But guy or girl, sleeping with everyone you come in contact with…. Makes you a whore. Period. lol

[CraeSC111]

I only sleep with the hot girls I come in contact with! :)

[Mizel]

See, standards are good! Limiting that to hot chicks reduces overall people slept with LOL ;)

[CraeSC111]

Never date anyone for the sex though. Also its interesting how the morals have changed over the generations. Before it was unthinkable to have sex with someone outside of marriage. Now you can have sex with your friends! Also would you say that having a sexual relationship with someone puts them outside of the friend zone?

[EpsilonX]

I personally believe sex should be kept to relationships and should only come later on in the relationship. Making out and stuff is fine whenever but actual sex should wait for a while.

[CraeSC111]

Then you are a better man than me!

[Mizel]

Never date anyone for the sex though. Also its interesting how the morals have changed over the generations. Before it was unthinkable to have sex with someone outside of marriage. Now you can have sex with your friends! Also would you say that having a sexual relationship with someone puts them outside of the friend zone?

Yea, dating for sex is just bad news bears lol I always find how morals when dealing with sex have changed. It went from cavemen, having sex with anyone.... to sex being special and private, meant for marriage.... pretty much back to caveman morals haha

I dont think having a friend with benefits put them outside necessarily... just makes them... a different kind of friend :P Only downside with that is when one friend decides they want more then sex, while the other still doesnt. Having a friendship ruined over that sucks.

[thedeparted]

Never date anyone for the sex though. Also its interesting how the morals have changed over the generations. Before it was unthinkable to have sex with someone outside of marriage. Now you can have sex with your friends! Also would you say that having a sexual relationship with someone puts them outside of the friend zone?

and friends moms!

[Mizel]

and friends moms!

Ah, MILFS. They make the world go round.

[Fruity_loops]

For me what makes a relationship is sticking through the hard times and knowing that they'll be there to support you through them, as you will support them. The past month's been a rough one for my fiancee and I considering we're currently sofa surfing and trying to make ourselves just a little less homeless. But we've actually kept each other going through all this. Last time I went through this I was alone and really struggled to cope. I couldn't have gotten through the past month without him.

But it's also about wanting them to be the first person you see in the morning (hellish morning breath and all) and the last person you say good night to.