sign89
09-18-2006, 10:16 PM
Here is how I implement a habit.
Usually I'll get some idea of some over the top thing that I want to accomplish.
So maybe I weigh 120 pounds and I want to make the college football team. Or maybe I've had failing grades all through high school and I want to get in to the best college. Or maybe I can't get a girlfriend and I decide to be a PUA. I have tons of these.
First I will get an idea of what I'm trying to accomplish and what will be involved.
I have the general principle that while I'm not that smart, I know that most other people aren't that smart either. Or rather, its not that people aren't that smart, but just that most people walk through life in a trance and generally don't break out of their habits. They just listen to what other people tell them and aren't willing to look at the finer details of things, so it is easy to get to the top of any field if you are willing to do that. Everyone thinks that there are all these conspiracies and super ways that people do things, but usually the top guys are just as disorganized as the average dudes on the street. It's like kids at top colleges who pay six figures to attend school. You'd think that they'd show up to class, but they don't show up any more than the kids in cheaper schools. Human habit is human habit. I figure that there is pretty much no limit of what level I can reach so long as I have an idea of what the top level looks like. In fact, I assume that I can surpass it before I even start.
From there, I decide what I'll have to do to get to that point. I figure how long it will take, and the habit that I'll have to integrate on a DAY TO DAY.
This is what I consider PROACTIVE and LOGICAL reasoning. I don't wait until some girl dumps me to start going out when I'm emotionally compelled, and then stop going out when I feel better about myself. That is REACTIVE.
Instead, I figure to myself, "Alright, I have to go out 3-7 nights a week for around three years. Fine."
At that point I FULLY ACCEPT that this is what I will be doing. I also am unlikely to change my plans, as I tend to think that if I can't trust myself to stick to one area then I can't trust myself to stick to my next area, so there if I'm going to be like that then there's no point in even starting anything.
The big thing for me, is that I will get out there whether the conditions are ideal or not. So if I'm not dressed properly, I will still get out there. If I'm not feeling well, I'll just go out for a bit and come home to keep the habit. I do the same thing in the gym if I have not slept properly or if I am busy or sick. If I know that I'm too tired to get a good workout I'll still show up and push through it. If I'm too busy then I'll just rush through it and won't worry about eating before or after. And if I'm sick then I'll at least show up to the gym and stretch.
I don't think about these things. I just accept them.
Now the big thing when you start something new is that progress is going to be non-existent at first and will go up in a j-curve if you can make it through the initial pain. Most people quit because starting something is REALLY hard and usually feels directionless for a long time. The guys who make it through that initial part will eventually get to a level where progress is really fast and noticeable, and for them it will become a hobby and fun. But at first it is purely banging your head against the wall to make the most minuscule advancements. Not fun.
So in an area like pickup, if you are starting off as a total dork like I was then it is pretty much going to be zero progress for a few months. You will go out and people will be really unresponsive and hard on you. It won't change for a long time either, because the more you're getting rejected the more you're feeling ****ty. The only plus side is that you're learning that you won't die, which is actually pretty important.
When you start anything, whether sports or dance or music, it will probably be pretty embaressing and painful. You'll be around people who have it all figured out, and their neural connections will be fine tuned from what seems like infinite repetition. You'll see this, and it will just give you a headache. Literally, for me, I see this kind of thing and I feel nauseous because it is so intimidating.
The way I get through it is literally BLIND FAITH. I will figure out what the basic training is and do it OVER AN OVER, regardless of whether or not I get a result.
A big part of this is that I have NO OUTCOME for a very long time. My only outcome is to get my ass out of the house and to wherever I'm supposed to be. My criteria for success isn't how well I did. It's IF I SHOWED UP and did what I was supposed to do. My expectations of myself are very low.
Usually I'll get some idea of some over the top thing that I want to accomplish.
So maybe I weigh 120 pounds and I want to make the college football team. Or maybe I've had failing grades all through high school and I want to get in to the best college. Or maybe I can't get a girlfriend and I decide to be a PUA. I have tons of these.
First I will get an idea of what I'm trying to accomplish and what will be involved.
I have the general principle that while I'm not that smart, I know that most other people aren't that smart either. Or rather, its not that people aren't that smart, but just that most people walk through life in a trance and generally don't break out of their habits. They just listen to what other people tell them and aren't willing to look at the finer details of things, so it is easy to get to the top of any field if you are willing to do that. Everyone thinks that there are all these conspiracies and super ways that people do things, but usually the top guys are just as disorganized as the average dudes on the street. It's like kids at top colleges who pay six figures to attend school. You'd think that they'd show up to class, but they don't show up any more than the kids in cheaper schools. Human habit is human habit. I figure that there is pretty much no limit of what level I can reach so long as I have an idea of what the top level looks like. In fact, I assume that I can surpass it before I even start.
From there, I decide what I'll have to do to get to that point. I figure how long it will take, and the habit that I'll have to integrate on a DAY TO DAY.
This is what I consider PROACTIVE and LOGICAL reasoning. I don't wait until some girl dumps me to start going out when I'm emotionally compelled, and then stop going out when I feel better about myself. That is REACTIVE.
Instead, I figure to myself, "Alright, I have to go out 3-7 nights a week for around three years. Fine."
At that point I FULLY ACCEPT that this is what I will be doing. I also am unlikely to change my plans, as I tend to think that if I can't trust myself to stick to one area then I can't trust myself to stick to my next area, so there if I'm going to be like that then there's no point in even starting anything.
The big thing for me, is that I will get out there whether the conditions are ideal or not. So if I'm not dressed properly, I will still get out there. If I'm not feeling well, I'll just go out for a bit and come home to keep the habit. I do the same thing in the gym if I have not slept properly or if I am busy or sick. If I know that I'm too tired to get a good workout I'll still show up and push through it. If I'm too busy then I'll just rush through it and won't worry about eating before or after. And if I'm sick then I'll at least show up to the gym and stretch.
I don't think about these things. I just accept them.
Now the big thing when you start something new is that progress is going to be non-existent at first and will go up in a j-curve if you can make it through the initial pain. Most people quit because starting something is REALLY hard and usually feels directionless for a long time. The guys who make it through that initial part will eventually get to a level where progress is really fast and noticeable, and for them it will become a hobby and fun. But at first it is purely banging your head against the wall to make the most minuscule advancements. Not fun.
So in an area like pickup, if you are starting off as a total dork like I was then it is pretty much going to be zero progress for a few months. You will go out and people will be really unresponsive and hard on you. It won't change for a long time either, because the more you're getting rejected the more you're feeling ****ty. The only plus side is that you're learning that you won't die, which is actually pretty important.
When you start anything, whether sports or dance or music, it will probably be pretty embaressing and painful. You'll be around people who have it all figured out, and their neural connections will be fine tuned from what seems like infinite repetition. You'll see this, and it will just give you a headache. Literally, for me, I see this kind of thing and I feel nauseous because it is so intimidating.
The way I get through it is literally BLIND FAITH. I will figure out what the basic training is and do it OVER AN OVER, regardless of whether or not I get a result.
A big part of this is that I have NO OUTCOME for a very long time. My only outcome is to get my ass out of the house and to wherever I'm supposed to be. My criteria for success isn't how well I did. It's IF I SHOWED UP and did what I was supposed to do. My expectations of myself are very low.