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Kiss
10-26-2007, 07:40 PM
Sympathy in a book?
By LNNK

Amuel our character was an 11 year old girl with chapped lips and shiny teeth her mom was a librarian. Her father had discovered oil so he did not work much. Amuel had a sister named El. El was 14 and she worked at a burger shack and got bad grades.
Amuel woke up usual as ever, 7:30 am. She got into a pair of pants and a t-shirt, combed her hair and put on earrings she had her own bathroom and she was glad to. She gathered her homework and books for school and had a quick breakfast she took $10 $5 for lunch $5 for taxis there and back. When she got there she talked with her friends during there 10 minute free time. Then they got straight to work. They had to write a short story today her is Amuel?s
Amy woke up on Saturday and went to the park she found a puppy the puppy became her pet.
It didn?t get a good a grade. That afternoon as she got in the cab the cab driver went the wrong way! He would listen when Amuel told him he was going the wrong way in fact he looked like a robot he wasn?t moving he drove all day and the next Amuel was scared and was getting hungrier and hungrier. When the seemed to be in Virginia he stopped and push her out and went back to New York.
Amuel cried it was twilight she wouldn?t make it through the night! She walked till she collapsed on the forest floor she was starving that morning she had a left-over bag of chips but that was it. She ate and then felt ashamed she had ate all her food. She walked all day then she saw rooftops a town I am saved she thought.

if there are enough good comments i will continue

LiNuX
10-26-2007, 09:03 PM
pretty interesting story so far but i noticed a few grammatical errors, no spelling errors caught my eye lol - dont mind me lol, i have a tendency to point out other's errors and mistakes, thats why friends get mad at me sometimes lol

keep up the story writing - its good for the brain :D

prateek/pwnage
10-26-2007, 09:31 PM
yeah, there are a few errors but i dont know. i mean dont wanna offend ur writing but i sorta got bored after reading half way through.

Scott
10-26-2007, 10:12 PM
I glanced at it but never saw the word 'gun' so I never bothered lol Yeah that was quite good ;-)

FattaT
10-26-2007, 10:49 PM
Yea, its ok.
But I found it jumps a bit over the place. Try to um... make it flow... if u know what i mean =P

Keep at it!