sex and marriage

[BobTD]

I saw that the last thread that partly involved this topic was closed, and want to assure everyone this thread is opened with respectful intent not as a joke but because the dynamics of the sex lives of married couples is both a very interesting topic and very relevant in todays world.

I would first like to point out that money and attention are used to gain the opposite sex's favor, and while this is not tied to specific gender roles its often the men who go out of their way to obtain sex through a number of services.

And I would like to state that in my opinion this is not anyones fault but the natural order of things. We are simply bread that way. And what I say next has to be very delicately handled:

Women like it, because they are (from an evolutionary standpoint) meant to be selective in their choice of breeding. And we often must continue to impress our sexual partners because otherwise they are less likely to be psychologically and physically attracted to the idea.

This is however instinct, and women posses enough intelligence and power of mind to resist base urges that many men have trouble with. And even when we are married and no competition exists this psychological and biological reaction will greatly affect our interactions with each other.

In the animal kingdom it is generally the females who decide who is most fit to carry on their genetic line with them, and I don't feel pointing this out is sexist. Just natural. So in light of this this reaction is in stark contradiction to a comparison with whores. Because they would accept all suiters who provide for them and this is both bad for a species and society.

And again to be clear, since women posses more celerity of mind then much of the male gender I would argue that they are more likely to be in control of their impulses, leaving them more room to wait for not just an attractive partner but specific qualities like intelligence and creativity. So they are less likely to be a "whore" in nature then most males in my opinion. (or at least when I look at myself this is the case) =P

Back to the subject of marriage. A union of two people is varied through cultures and history, but is generally grouped into two categories: Romantic or arranged. The way sex is approached in a romantic relation is decided by the couple, but most likely is "spontaneous", or when you are "in the mood", after you have been together long enough this definition turns into "special occasions". Or at least thats how its often portrayed in society.

I used to think arranged marriages where abominable. But I have now begun to think that if someone where willing, growing up in a culture that supports that is an advantage. Because the relationship isnt based on strong chemical reactions and romantic dreems of a life where those chemicals never wear off.

While I agree that sex should be spontaneous much of history has seen women serving a submissive role. Thats a pretty easy way to regulate a sexual relationship, but its easy to understand why most of us would think its wrong. We grew up in an age where women often hold jobs just as likely as men, and we no longer have to keep invading armies from raping and killing them.

Without the male gender role of men being required to give their lives in war, (often in defense of their women) the female gender role of being submissive kind of fell out of style. (Notice that men are still required to serve in the military in many of the countries that have a submissive role for women)

But regular or non "spontaneous" sex does occur willingly in many situations. Often married couples will agree in advance to have sex on a schedule, depending on each of their physical desires and willingness a compromise is agreed upon. I know this happens because thats what my parents do (twice a week), even though thats a terrible thing for me to have found out at a young age. I would have been happy to assume they had no sex life.

There is no end to the variety of ways couples handle there sex lives. Often in the past if one partner had a much stronger sex drive they would have a mistress.. both male and females can and have used this method. Or they would abstain from all sex other then for the purpose of child bearing, often supported be religious beliefs. Or falling short of sex one partner could ask for sexual favors rather then press the issue.



So the question I ask you, in all seriousness and honestly:

How would you plan to approach problems in your sex life if you get married?

How would you try to resolve two people into a healthy and fair relationship, against the probability of different sexual appetites and desires? Whats fair, normal, or expected? How important is sex to a relationship and do you consider it necessary for a healthy relationship?

And last but not least, consider romance. What it is to you, how necessary it is, and weather or not you think its even right to base a relationship on it.

[Dess]

Ok, so I like this post MUCH better than the previous one... Logic always makes me smile... Moving on with the discussion topic...

Arranged marriages aren't so horrible as long as you end up with someone who treats you like a human being instead of property.

Planned sex is a horrible idea. I've done that... I refuse to do it again. It takes the enjoyment out of the entire act and makes it a chore.

And about the marriage and losing sexual appetite and such things... I'm going to keep my mouth shut, because I'm still trying to figure that out. =P

[EpsilonX]

Planned sex, as in being like "so come over tomorrow and we'll do the horizontal mambo"? dang. i'm screwed

[thedeparted]

no eps.. she means like okay we're going to have sex at 11 pm on tuesays and thursday and no spontaneous

[EpsilonX]

thats.....what i said.....

[thedeparted]

lol i misread your post. I read it as " so wanna come over and do the horizontal mambo"

[Project Blaze]

As far as selective breeding... I've never agreed with that, and still don't. I mean, it's like saying women don't have individual personalities... to me anyway.

I agree with Damage about arranged marriages, as long as the two end up actually caring for each other.

For myself (and I realize I'm no expert here), I don't think sex is that important in a relationship, and not really necessary in my opinion. Words can do much more than physical contact can, given you know what to say.

Romance... that's sort of a tough one. That makes me think of expressing love with simple acts of generosity/selflessness. However, sometimes love alone isn't enough. That said, some people can be as romantic as they can yet still get pushed away. Sometimes for that exact reason, being "too romantic".

So, there's my standpoint on those topics. I might have missed something though. :\

[looere]

I hope it can happen naturally,no plan.It can make both relax